Attack mode

Well getting ready for my court date on the 22 of Dec. it is crazy that I have to go there to fight for my rights. it is crazy that I have to fight to try and have a relationship with a child whos motehr has prevented me from knowing. Now waht is real crazy is that the mother convinced my daughter to fight me instead of trying to make a relationship between us. I never ran away from nothing that is the thing. I have to go into protection mode becuase they are going after me to destry me.. I did not do anything wrong. I love my children, I hate the fact that I have to do this, but I have to so I cna protect the ones that do love me.

A Daughter I never knew

Today I kind of feel bad becuase I am between a rock and a hard place. I found out this time last year that I have a daughter who is 20 years old. I was with her mother 20 years ago one time, and did not remeber who she was. I took blood test and it was 100% mine. I never disputed this fact, the blood test had to be done for leagal reasons. Now Since the mother had never told me that I had a daughter, she has placed in my daughters mind that I am not a good person, and has been trying to take me to court for 20 years of Child support. I have been going to court for this whole year and the courts have been throwing the case out. in the begining I want to have a relationship with my daughter, but seems like it is impossible becuase of the mother. My daughter is a grown woman and I never new her. and seems like she does not wish to know me. I have to except that and move on. The mother is still trying to get me for child support, I figure she is going to try and find away. I am so angry because I never had the opportunity to know my daughter, becuase the mother never told me, but she is mad at me becuase of her fault. DAMN!! I am so mad becuase I can not find away to have my daughter in my life. Ahhh Sorry I just had to write this personal business.

what to do

Well these days will be over soon. I have to figure out if I am going to take a December trip to Tokyo or not I have to go there to see this investor. Seems like I am tied down to this world cause I have so much to do. I have to get more motivated I think becuase I think I am not putting in any effort in moving this project forward. I cna not just sit on this film, I have spent about $60, 000 dollars on it so far and oncee it is done I know I cna get a distribution deal becuase of the content. Anyway I have to move forward that is for sure.

Cold Weather.

I hate the cold weather, I cna not wait until summer comes. I guess that I was made for the hot weather becuase I cna sit out in the sun allday with out getting burned becuse I am dark enough I dont think I can get any darker. The Cold, I dont think it likes me because when I feel it my skin tells me to find heat quick and stay warm. Yeah the winter for me is not a joy. Skiing, Ice skatting, not for me at all. Sub zero tempritures are for those who enjoy the pain of winter.

What a Day Makes.

Well I am back at this again I hope that I can make it through another tough day. I have been working on the esiting of this film and have been up day and night making sure that everything looks good for the investors that I am talking ot. I hope to get some word on my invetment in this film project. if that happens then its on. I can get over there to Japan. That is my ultimate goal I can say. Anyway I hope that this happens in April or May.

Pepsi Cola War.

I have to stop drinking pepsi, I am a expirt on the difrence between Pepsi and Coke. I hate coke, but you can not fool me when it comes down to taiste. I can hit it everytime I go to one of them taiste test things. I will be the first to run there to put my self through the test. Pepsi should pay me for the stuff I do for them and How I promote the product for the.

My kids are in charge not me.

I sit here looking at my kids all concintraiting on looking at a horror film on TV. I try to get them to not look at at TV but it is allways so distressfull for them, well more for my son. I have to allmost call the police to get him from infront of the TV. Yeah I remeber that I was that way also. I did not understand until I got older and had my own kids. My father told me he said that "My curse for you is to have your own kids to see what I am talking about." Well I got my own kids and I see what the hell he was talking about. it is a battle, sometimes I give into them. I have to just not pay for cable TV and I would be ok.. Wait aminute, my show is coming on soon , I have to finish this blog and run upstaires in my room and look at it, oh it is allmost time, bye.

whats up with the US Army.

Well I am a retired Drill instructor that has seen alot through my time in the military. I see that now the military is becoming more technological and  less physical. I remeber when we would base our training on conditioning the body to servive in the worst enviernment. Now many of the kids that go in the US services are more about cookies and candies now. THey can not last throught the harsh training that many of the older troops trianed in. Shur it is now techological and we can see this through the weopons that they are allways trying to create. I wish that we would train the body as much as they do the Mind to fire weopons from a office chair.

Getting away for a momment

Have you ever tried to just get away from the normal everyday life that you live. I think when I leave the house I am leaving my comfort zone and traveling into theunknown. I enjoy even getting lost on the bus, the adventure and joy of anticipation that I get from just being on the trip, know matter how short the trip  may be.

Rasing Funds

trying to deal with people who are doing the same thing in my business. I am trying to raise this money to finish off the film that I have already put in alot of money. Sometimes I think that it is hard to raise money, but if you new the right person in my business, you you can do htis. Its all about connections that is for sure. I have a date and time that I cna reach my goal in rasing this money, I figure by Febuary I should be ok, I ahve to do somethings to make this happen, but I cna make it happe.

I am trying to get to Japan

I am trying to get to Japan to finish off the rest of this film "House of Malik." it is so stressful trying to get people to belieave in your film project. you have to get them to think, feel understand as you do about this project. I try and make a film project that people would like to see, but I have to understand my audiance also so as to get what the trend is going to. Getting to Japan is my goal once I rasie the rest of the funds. I really put alot of money into thsi project and I am happy about the way it turned out so far. Now using this footage to reaise the rest of the moeny with is very important becuase it is not just showing htat I have paper, it is showing that i have put my own money into producing, creating a tangeble piece. Getting to Japan is the goal, but how to will be the trick.

Making films outside of Hollywood

I am a filmmaker who has invested so much money energy and time in tring to put film projects together. Being a filmmaker is like being on another planet amoung so many other planets. one planet seams to have more business on it than the other. If you are not around the Bigger more thriving planet, you will not be recognised and be lost as a planet. In othr words Hollywood wnats to say that they are the creaters of what people see, and people are conditioned to that., I have to tell you that is to bad. I have tried to put together many projects and this film I have done (The HOuse of Malik) is so stressful to complet. Go check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjJncFR10EI

The The Production office

I have to leave the school right now to go to the production office down in Camden New Jersey. I have to go and do some editing on a film project that I have been doing for a client. But my real objective today is to try and figure out how I am going to try and get the rest of this money to completed the film project that I have started in the summer. I spent so much money on this project this summer shooting in and around the streets of Camden NJ. I have to raise the rest of the money to go to Japan before the end of the year.